“I was gonna spend the night, could’ve been okay
we were gonna talk all night, till I went away”
Sitting at work, wishing the day were over. Then again, where am I off to? Nothing to go home to. You aren’t around. Should get used to it, but I guess since I know you’re around the area and zip codes that I could only wish to see you yet another night. But it’s alright, it is a part of life.
Random fact #42: Every time my phone vibrates from a text, I get the butterflies knowing it’s probably from you. 9.8 times out of 10, I am right.
This has been the longest week of my life. Back from vacation, trying to get back in line at work and getting my personal life in order. I hope these next few days are just as slow so I can enjoy every last second we share until … whenever it is we are in the same place again.
Instrumental Yo La Tengo songs keep coming on the iRust’s shuffle. So bizarre.
I keep thinking in my head if I turn up the heat, if I start to hustle, maybe we’d give this a try. I shouldn’t want that, but all I want is us. Through all that has transpired this week, through whatever it is that probably will transpire between now and when I leave your side for the last time, I could want nothing more than to call you mine. And I know I can’t. And I know you won’t. And I could just hope that maybe just maybe, once you are back at school and away from both of us that you can make the informed decision for yourself. But he can come visit easier that I can, with greater reasons than I. You’ll get back together and I slowly re-sort my life and move on. I really don’t want to. I want this to stay for the while. Wait around for a bit, see how often I hear from you, see what it is I hear from you.
It’s weird knowing I have an audience now. I don’t know what I’ll be able to say now.
I know I wrote it before, and that it was quickly followed up with a halt, but do you think we’re meant to be?
I had this great idea in my head on vacation that “Ithaca” would be the song always going through changes to reflect our life together. Crazy.
Until tomorrow, when I will see you at some point, and hopefully at least get a hug. I’m at the point where I will learn to accept any physicality being out of the question, no matter what our discussion was last night. Doesn’t mean I won’t still hope it happens one last time still.
“There is only this time, and what a time it is.“
